The gift of now...

Every moment is precious. Enjoy the present. Blah, blah, blah....

For a person that lists "Carpe Diem!" as a favorite quote on my Facebook page it seems incredibly ironic that I have quite sadly NOT been following through with my own mantra.

I blame the uncertainty of our moving situation. I blame the plans that need to be made but can't be until we know when we're moving. *sigh* I blame the stage of life I'm in where it seems that all moms are desperately clinging to that magic word that gets us through the day - bedtime. But in all truthfulness, I blame myself.

I have always had a problem with relaxing. Doing nothing is an art I simply have never cared to master. So when my darling hubby informed me of his upcoming promotion that would relocate our family to Nashville, TN (but he didn't know when he would begin the position because it depended on a variety of factors I have no desire to bore you with here) I was thrilled for him. I, however, was not thrilled with the idea of doing nothing. No registering for preschool, no planning, no house shopping...not until the position officially began...and who knows when that would be. I was to do nothing. Of course in my mind for everything there is a purpose, an objective, and a plan to accomplish it - or so I always believed.

But God has been interrupting my philosophy on living the last few months. In the midst of uncertainty and a time that should be fraught with worry he is teaching me stillness. In the chaos of raising two small children he is teaching me peace. In moments where I tend to get too far ahead of myself and start planning my future I feel His gentle hand on my shoulder guiding me to rest in Him.

Trust me when I say this reliance did not come easy. I certainly didn't wake up one morning with the resolve to chill out and the ability to accomplish it on my own. I could sing "Take it Easy" all day long and I doubt it would do me a bit of good...though The Eagles do lift my spirits a bit. ;)

God has used people and scripture in the most unconventional ways at the most unexpected times to get his point across to me. God is good at unconventional. He is exceptional at the unexpected...and he always, ALWAYS delivers.

Friends of mine have spoken words of truth when I needed it the most. Sometimes they weren't even speaking to me...I just had the pleasure of overhearing him. (Which I am certain God orchestrated...nothing is coincidence.) One friend told me that she had the phrase, "Be patient, be peaceful, be present" on her mirror to remind her how to live each day. This could not have come at a better time for me. Another friend shared that some of her sweetest moments have been resting in God in that very moment and allowing Him to reveal everything in His perfect time. Each word of encouragement lifted me higher and pushed me to the place I should have been living all along. The moment of NOW. The gift of the present experienced in the best way possible, leaning into God and feeling him catch me. Like those trust games one plays in 6th grade church camps. Only this was no game.

Perhaps no one has been a greater asset to teaching me to live in the moment than my 14 month old son. A child with a vocabulary limited to his current favorite word, "ball." Leave it to God to choose my baby to teach me something I so urgently needed...and to teach it without words at that! Unconventional and unexpected, right?!

We were playing quite contently in the backyard one afternoon waiting for sissy to wake up from nap. We watered the flowers. We swung on the swing. We played at the sand table. All in all we were having a marvelous time on a glorious spring day. We were active. We were doing something. I watched Beckett toddle about the yard for a few minutes until he settled himself onto the sled in the middle of the yard (don't ask.) I went and sat with him. We sat....and sat. And sat. Several times I found myself getting restless and thinking of what we could go do. My mind started to wander....we could go swing again, we could get snack ready, we could... And then I looked at him sitting happily (yes, on a sled in Texas in March) and I realized he was perfectly content with what he was doing. Plucking grass merrily from the ground and crunching leaves in his small hands. He wasn't just content, he was joyful. He was savoring the moment. He was enjoying the blessing of the beautiful weather. And he was teaching me to do the very thing I'd been fighting my whole life. Doing nothing. But in that nothingness finding everything.

God knows where I'm going to end up. He's had it planned from the beginning. I have full faith that he will place me exactly where I need to be, when I need to be there, to serve His will, and bring glory to Him. I think he just had a few things to teach me first. ;)

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

Carpe Diem, everyone!